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I wasn’t going to record an episode this week but here we are. Something came up and I just had to talk about it. I am sure you will understand why. You will hear me introduce myself myself as my Dungeons & Dragons-character Cassandra Lagrandia, Half-elf wild sorceress. Also, I got my nails done!
Happy rest of the season everyone!
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This is about the feeling of seeing myself for the first time. It’s hard to explain to a cis person, but give it a listen and I hope it helps.
I also explain how I’ve been a dumb-dumb, writing my sonnets all wrong, but with a silver lining! And give you two sonnets this week, and this time they are in actual iambic pentameter.
The weight of hubris hit me hard today.
So proud I’ve been of sonnets writ by me,
They flow like rivers, brighten up my day,
And to my mind the lines all perfect be.
So why then with this brilliant mind of mine,
Could I have failed to spot a hole so dark?
A glaring cavity in every line,
Enpov’rished five where robber left his mark.
But why should four be wallowing in shame?
Though, Venus shines with beauty, this be true,
The test of time she stood and earned her name.
Does she leave room for other virtues too?
Methinks that beauty’s heart be good and kind,
To let her little sister also shine.
Ingalill’s sonnet, To the dead;
Oh spirit with thy presence do me grace,
Fulfill’d thy path has been from dust to dust,
For kings and lords and beggars, all do face
The very same fate as the rest of us.
But here among us still thy spirit be,
Held back by sorrow, vengence or regret,
Thy last breath drawn but still thee do not see
God’s holy grace or devil’s fire yet.
The living in this room are asking for
Thy voice to reach across that dreaded line,
So speak now friend, again, and live once more,
The beating heart within this breast be thine.
Now to my flesh and blood I give thee lease,
I beg, good soul, be gentle with it please.
Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 23:36 — 25.2MB)
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How I learned to use my dysphoria to improve my acting and roleplaying and how you could potentially use the same ideas to bring new levels of life to your imaganitaion.
I introduce my new character from Vaesen, Ingalill Sifsdotter, whom I plan to start playing in early 2023. This week’s sonnet is by her.
Sonnet for the dead:
Please with thy presence, do me grace.
Thy path been walked from dust to dust,
As kings and beggars, all do face,
The same fate as the rest of us.
Among us still thy spirit be,
In sorrow, vengeance or regret,
No beating heart, still cannot see,
God’s grace or devil’s fire yet.
The living here are asking for,
Thy voice to cross that dreaded line.
So speak now friend, and live once more,
The heart within this breast be thine.
Now to my flesh I give thee lease,
Take care of it, I’m begging, please.
Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 31:27 — 33.8MB)
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I start with describing another encounter with everyday sexism, something that was, of course, expected but I still find my perspective interesting. For those who think sexism is a myth, trans people are a great resource since we tend to experience things more than one part of the gender spectrum.
I go on with talking about why playing young roleplaying characters is an interesting experience and well worth exploring. I talk about the first child character I created in a setting that did not require it. Lea, a 13 year old sorceress/cleric. Feel free to aks her a question!
Finally I answer a question posted to Alvhild, and since I had already written a sonnet about the moment Alvhild talks about, I let her read this week’s sonnet.
A castle strong, a cottage frail,
No home we’ve had survived the war,
In fear and sorrow we set sail,
And find ourselves on fated shore.
But what more hardships can I face?
Unwanted by the queen of death,
I woke in sister’s warm embrace,
Renewed in spite of final breath.
When edge of anguish doth arrive,
What embers under river’s bed?
What doubt and anguish can survive,
When every tear I had’s been shed?
Thee, wolf, that hunts and torments thus,
Now it’s your turn to run from us.
Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 14:29 — 14.5MB)
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So here is that mini rant I promised you, about how Sweden has zero respect for the autonomy of our identites and has no interest in changing that, in spite of promises to the contrary. Following the rant, my 13 year old character Alvhild, my namesake that I introduced in Episode 2, the Magic of Names (I really do recommend listening to it if you haven’t, it is one of my favourite stories). A friend of mine asked her the question, what are your hopes and dreams? And yeah… there were some tears when I answered it. Enjoy!
Picture by Coffeejelly.
